martijndegraaf1001

Reis naar Leven

Martijn’s journey to Life, day 77, hay fever character

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I see this persona/character in myself: a male, in his early thirties, slender, black hair, he is sick and he holds this point as the absoluteness of himself. No one can question it and he manipulates his world from this starting point, everyone needs to reckon with him and take care of him, and no one can ask much of him.

I found him today in and as myself, when I had a hay fever attack after mowing the field.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must suffer hay fever

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that hay fever can take over my body

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and deserve pity because of hay fever

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must submit to hay fever

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use hay fever to manipulate others into caring for me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m helpless, because hay fever is overwhelming

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself that I can hardly keep myself standing because of hay fever

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to continue this hay fever suffering

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot direct myself because hay fever is directing me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can hardly breathe because of hay fever

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my body by pushing myself out into ‘decadence’, existent as a feeling in my mind

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have this character exist in and as myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to keep this character as myself existent as part of my collection of sick/not feeling well/ill characters that I need to make sure no one will expect me to have a job and earn money

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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

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