martijndegraaf1001

Reis naar Leven

Martijn’s Reis naar Leven. Fear of losing myself in the work, self forgiveness. Dag 429

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downloadI am here to share with you my fear of not getting the work done in time, removing the horse droppings from the paddock, that I will lose myself in the work and that I will have no time left for other things I planned. I feel anger towards the horses as if it’s their fault that I’m in fear and stress.

Processing:

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear I lose myself in the work I am doing

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I lose myself when I fear in fear.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project losing myself on to the work

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience stress fearing there will be no time left for other things I planned

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel anger towards the horses as if they are the cause of my fear and stress.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I am angry at myself because I am lost in fear and stress and merely project this anger towards them.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be thinking all the time during the work.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wonder why I cannot stop thinking. lol

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that wondering is the thin king (thinking).

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop and see/realize/understand that I need to forgive myself for fearing, for existing in and as fear. And to breathe instead and bring myself here in the moment in and as the work

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not forgive myself in the moment but instead go wondering in my mind.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself wondering why I cannot stop thinking, to stop and take a deep breath. And to see what it is I need to forgive myself.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself fearing that I will lose myself in the work, to stop and take a deep breath. And to forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear in every way and to bring myself here in the present moment to be able to act effectively and practically in a way that’s best for all.

 

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself feeling anger towards the horses, to stop and take a deep breath. And to see/realize/understand that I am projecting and stop this and to see into me where I am angry at myself.

I commit myself to not continue the work when I am caught up in fear and stress and anger, but to stop and take a deep breath and to take the time to process the emotions till I am here stable breathing in and as the work.

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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

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