martijndegraaf1001

Reis naar Leven

Martijn’s Reis naar Leven. Self-task. Blog 451

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downloadI get stuck in this contradiction: I need to move away from the computer to take a break but I am afraid that I will not do my work

I start with checking the Facebook and the emails, and I keep in mind that I will start working after this. I find very interesting stuff in both places and so it takes much longer. I want to handle this fast though because of my premeditated decision to work on some stuff I’m responsible for.

Therefor I sit much longer and take less breaks and so when I am done, I don’t want to sit at the computer anymore, I want to move around, do physical stuff.

Then later on when I return to the computer, ‘the moment’ of doing my responsibilities ‘has passed’. And I do other stuff.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to keep my task in mind while I check Facebook posts and email.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to postpone my task till I have checked everything that’s relevant/interesting from Facebook and email.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sit at the computer for to long by putting myself under pressure to get it done as fast as possible so I can start with my task.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, when I’m finally done, take a break from the computer when I feel I have spend to much time sitting down.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to totally put the task out of my mind, because I don’t want to do anything with the computer after sitting for so long.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, when I return to the computer later on, to not do my task because I put it in the background of my mind and besides that, ‘the moment has already passed’

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, I’ll do it tomorrow morning then, maybe I won’t spend so much time on Facebook and email

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make the doing of the task dependent on factors outside of myself, such as Facebook and email.

 

When and as I see myself making the doing of my task dependent on outside factors such as Facebook and email, I stop. Because I see/realize/understand that I give up my self direction and let myself be directed by what Facebook and email have to offer. I take a deep breath and on the outbreath I open my task and start to work on it.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my task will be finished, that I fear the end of my task

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to rather keep my task in mind than to finish it for real, because I fear the emptiness in my mind when the task isn’t there any more

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse a task to preoccupy myself in my mind

 

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself occupying myself in my mind by keeping a task in mind, I stop. Because I see/realize/understand that I abuse the task. I take a deep breath and on the outbreath I open the task and I start working on it.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have promised to myself that when I would have finished school, to avoid as much as possible doing tasks involving reading/studying, NO MORE TASKS! lol

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold a resistance to any task that resembles a school task

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to favor the breaks over the sitting down and doing task times

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define the word task as ‘painful’

I commit myself to when and as I see myself defining the word task as painful, to stop. Because I see/realize/understand that I attached this emotional connotation during my years at school. I take a deep breath and on the outbreath I see my task as a self-task

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define the word task as ‘limited’ and wirhin this as negative

I commit myself to when and as I see myself define the word task as limited, to stop. Because I see, realize and understand that I attached this negative judgement during my time at school. I take a deep breath and on the outbreath I see I can express/expand myself in/as this task

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define the word task as ‘restricted’ and within this as negative

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself define the word task as restricted, to stop. Because I see, realize and understand that I attached this negative judgement during my time at school. I take a deep breath and on the outbreath I see I can express/expand myself in/as this task

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define the word task as ‘obliged’ and within this as negative

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself define the word task as obliged, to stop. Because I see, realize and understand that I attached this as a negative connotation in the past. I take a deep breath and I see my task is a self task

 

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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

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