martijndegraaf1001

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Manipulation and sex – Dag 632

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maniI forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel enthusiastic about my partner
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I need to entertain my partner to keep her happy and willing to stay engaged with me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I am generating this entertaining energy for myself to feel ‘high’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accumulate energy in my pubic area as a preparation to prove my virility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I must accomplish a sexual achievement
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I must make an energetic impression
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to make a playful impression
within which I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will take away any reserves my partner might have towards myself so that she will be accessible for sex
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that my partner fears sexual avances from my side
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I myself fear sexual avances from her side and that I project this fear onto her.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must make an eager impression, eager to have sex
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must make the impression to her that she excites me all the time
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must make a playful impression so that she will accept me as innocent and I can have access to her to have sex
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and manipulate her into having sex with me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am dangerous to her with my sexuality and that she would therefor reject me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I am afraid that she will force her sexuality unto me and that I think her sexuality is dangerous
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that adults’ sexuality is dangerous
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I try and manipulate myself into sex to avoid to face the expected danger
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am not good enough to be her partner and that I have to be more than me for which I generate energy in myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not exciting and interesting as a partner when and as I am here in and as the physical with no extra as energy.
I commit myself to when and as I see myself generating this energy ‘preparation for physical touch and sex’ to stop and breathe and instead stabilise myself in and as my body here and discuss the point with my partner to see what we will decide.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself generating a ‘high’ from thinking of her and to instead be here in and as breath
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself trying to be more/energetic and instead to be stable and self-confident
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself trying to manipulate her into having sex with me and instead to discuss the point with her.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself fear adults’ sexuality because I see/realize/understand that it is based on a childhood memory and to instead make myself and each other comfortable within sex
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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

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