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Am I angry with my partner? – Dag 633

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angerIn having a partner in my life I sense a lightness in myself that seems to me one side of a polarity. To investigate the other side of it I put up some Death Metal. After one hour I come to the conclusion that I was suppressing anger within our contact. To find out what the anger is about I bring Anger here in and as myself and I see what I want to express in and as Anger pertaining to my partner. And i take responsibility for it by self-forgiving this pattern that I’ve lived many times.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my partner that her presence in my life is the disturbance of my calm and orderly life as I know it.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame her for disturbing by entering my life!
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think in anger ‘how does she dare to disturb my life!’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame it on her that I now must  think about matters that would otherwise not be of any concern to me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that she manipulates me with her femininity to have me open up my life to her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that she makes me weak
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame myself that I haven’t resisted her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am ‘fallen in to lateness’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to regret that my life isn’t the same anymore
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner that I need to make changes for her in my life!
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the polarity ‘wanting the new experiences with her’ <-> ‘wanting my life to remain as is’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel shame towards the other people that I know for giving in to this partnering with her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel indifferent to what will become of me now that a partner is in my life
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I let her decide what will happen to my life
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let her do what she must do and to just wait till she’s done with me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accept that I now lose myself until she disappears from my life and that I will return to/as myself after that
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to find her stupid to engage with me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel danger when I would express these self-forgivenesses to her and that I should keep them a secret
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I know that it’ll disappoint her and that this thing we have going on is over immediately
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think I’m not the one for a relationship
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I therefor shouldn’t engage in relationships
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I am making the same mistake as so many times before
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I must give my life a different direction, away from her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel I must avoid her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that women cannot be trusted within relationships
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I must not show any kindness to her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I must find ways to get rid of her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I must act cold heartedly and with anger and irritation towards her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed about these thoughts and emotions
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I must make up to her for these negativity towards her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I must move myself into a positive mood to approach her and that everything will be fine then
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the polarity ‘angry with her’ <-> ‘positive towards her’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is all to complicated for me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am the victim within this situation
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I have been duped by ‘God’ into this mess
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I cannot solve this
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must wait and see how everything will turn out and that whatever is the outcome it’ll be ‘God’s Will’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel a bit silly that I have this all going on in myself
Finally I can laugh about it!
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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

6 thoughts on “Am I angry with my partner? – Dag 633

  1. Hey Martijn! lol what band did you listen to? I can relate to such situation you mention and I can only recommend the latest quantum systemization on ‘not wanting change’ which is a cool way to embrace change in terms of relationships or changin place of residence etc… thanks for sharing

    Like

  2. This blog and the previous blogs are such a cool approach to start a relationship Martijn, thanks for sharing!

    Like

  3. Pingback: Self-commitment statements – Dag 634 | martijndegraaf1001

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