martijndegraaf1001

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Will I ever be rich? – Day 644

moneyWhen an opportunity opened to maybe earn a lot of money I noticed that I immediately lost interest in it. This was an automated reaction in myself which I want to eliminate.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that when I would amount money, this would be another person’s loss.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have committed to a promise of keeping myself poor as a spiritual quest of sorts.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that one needs to be poor to deserve a good fate later on
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that having little money is a expression of humbleness
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that with growing my bank account my ego will grow as well
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a person with little money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear to let go of this self definition
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project his fear outside of me and to fear that I’ll be in danger when I have more money, meaning that I will need to pay for all kind of things that I now don’t need to.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have kept myself in poverty
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’ll despise my fellow human beings when I have a lot of money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’ll experience myself as a unreliable person when I have earned/won a lot of money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’ll buy all kind of useless stuff when I have a lot of money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’ll be very busy when I’ll have a lot of money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’ll get stuck in myself when I accumulate more and more money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to regard it unthinkable and unimaginable that I would accumulate more money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that efforts I’ll make to accumulate more money will inevitable lead to a disappointment
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that when and as I would have found a way to accumulate more money that in the end it will turn out not to be effective after all.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless when it comes to earning or winning money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I can be responsible with a lot of money
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself feeling uninterested and powerless when it comes to earning/winning money. I see/realize/understand that I have this uninterested and powerlessness programmed in myself to automatically come up when gaining money comes in sight. Instead I remind myself of the many goals I could support when I would earn/win a lot of money.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself believing that I must remain poor as part of a spiritual quest. I see/realise/understand that this is part of a brainwash to keep people poor so that they won’t touch the powers that be. Instead I take opportunities to gain money and when it is more than enough I use it for the goals that I see serve the benefit of all life.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself keeping a religious promise to remain poor believing that it will somehow benefit my fate in the future. I see/realize/understand that i could facilitate the process of change on Earth with money. Instead I Investigate and test methods to generate money.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself fear that my ego will grow with the growth of my bank account and that having little money is humbleness. Instead I see into me to take on all points that may arise as ego and process those top make sure gaining money doesn’t interfere with my self-honesty
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself believe that efforts I’ll make to accumulate more money will inevitable lead to a disappointment. I see/realize/understand that believing is a function of the mind. Instead I direct myself and release myself from the polarity construct of feeling successful versus feeling disappointed to make sure I’m stable here in and as breathe when making efforts to make money.
I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see myself believe that when and as I would have found a way to accumulate more money that in the end it will turn out not to be effective after all. I see/realize/understand that believing is a function of the mind. In stead I direct myself and test the effectiveness and make sure that I continu with something that’s profitable.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself fearing that I’ll be in danger when I would have a lot of money. I see/realize/understand that it is the outward projection of the fear of letting go of my ‘poor-personality’. Instead I make sure that I’m well informed about money management.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself believe that I’ll be an unreliable person when I would have a lot of money. I see/realize/understand that believing is mere a function of the mind. Instead I direct myself to eliminate reactions in myself to having a lot of money.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself feeling powerless and regarding it unthinkable and unimaginable that I would accumulate more money. I see/realize/understand that it is a programmed reaction in my mind. Instead I investigate, test and apply effective methodes of making money.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself believing that I will despise my fellow human beings when and as I have a lot of money. I see/realize/understand that it is just a belief as a function of my mind. Instead I’ll see how and when I can support my fellow human beings.


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Money and me – Day 643

moneyI forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am not able to earn any substantial amount of money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am not worthy of earning money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think in situations, ‘see I better never try and earn money’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must create energy in my arms to earn money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that in order to make money I need to compete with others
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see competition as something not cool that I avoid
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself rather as a loser than as a participant in competition for the win.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get stressed out when I am about to maybe make money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get sweaty hands and pressure in my chest and a dry mouth when I’m about to maybe make money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have my breathing go difficult when I’m about to maybe make money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a person who needs the financial help of others for a living
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I enter a hostile environment when I’m going to earn money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel anxiety because I feel that my basis is in danger when I make myself dependent on another for earning money
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give my money to someone else to make more of it or lose it, while I don’t know if I can trust the person.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one in the relationship with the person that I do business with
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to invalidate myself in a business relationship
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see another person as an expert in business because I am not experienced
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not demand a specific performance in the business relationship
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give up my self responsibility by deeming the other person to be an expert and following his lead
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for following his lead and giving up my self responsibility
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself giving up my self responsibility and deeming the other person to be an expert and following his lead. I see/realize/understand that I do it automatically as a system that activates. Instead I stabilise myself in breath and I ground myself and I make my stance clear in the business relationship and what I expect of the other person.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself blame myself for giving up my self-direction, deeming the other person to be an expert and following his lead. I see/realize/understand that I automatically blame myself as a system that gets activated. Instead I take self-responsibility and I direct myself out of the expert – amateur relationship to decide what I want with the other person in an equal and one relationship.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give up my self-direction when I enter an unfamiliar field and another person presents himself as an expert.
I commit to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself giving up my self-direction when I enter an unfamiliar field and another person presents himself as an expert. I see/realize/understand that I act automatically like a system that gets activated, which I copied from my mother when we would be in a foreign country and she would ask for directions she would change into this inferior, naïve, dependent personality. Instead I will keep my standing and my equality and in equality and oneness I discuss what I need to know.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself feeling that I am not able to make money. I see/realize/understand that it is just a belief. Instead I see which opportunity I can create and/or opens up
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself feeling that I’m not worthy of making money. I see/realize/understand that I somehow accepted and allowed this in myself. Instead I investigate this point further.


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Losing someone – Day 642

IMG_0348Today we brought our father to a closed off part of the elderly people’s home where he will stay because he needs to much care from my mother and she will move there to in another part of the building so they still live close by. I felt sad. A emotional reaction program had been activated. I lived it out before when losing girlfriends.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to access a memory where I lost my girlfriend and grieved about that when I leave my father behind in the closed off part of the elderly home
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to build the emotional charge of sadness on the memory of leaving someone behind/losing someone
I dissociate the charge from the memory and I walk through it breathing
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself accessing the memory of leaving someone behind/losing someone
I see/realize/understand that I have this as an automated program
Instead I direct myself in situations where I leave someone behind and I am able to bring the self-expression that I lived related to the person here at will so there is no loss (I projected a self-experience on the person and when the person is gone I believe that I cannot self-express in the same way)


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Pride and masturbation – Day 641

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel pride over my ability to easily masturbate at will
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel aggression when I experience that I cannot masturbate at will
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless when and as I experience that i cannot masturbate at will
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the polarity of aggression versus powerlessness in relation to masturbation
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel like giving up on myself when I experience that I cannot mastbate at will
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the polarity pride versus giving up on myself related to my ability to masturbate at will
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself exist in and as the polarity of aggression versus powerlessness in relation to masturbation. I see/realize/understand that I am living out a polarity construct. Instead I stand equal and one with my body in masturbation.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself existing in and as the polarity of pride versus giving up on myself related to my ability to masturbate at will. I see/realize/understand that I live out a polarity construct. Instead I stabilize myself within breath and I attent to my physical.
bosAnd something else, a memory of going out when the weather is nice – stress
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to access a memory of my mother hurrying us children up to go out doors when the weather is sunny, where we were to let go of anything we were involved in and we got into an energy of stress
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to build up the emotional charge of stress when the weather is very sunny
I dissociate the charge from the memory and I breathe through the emotion till it is no more
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself access the memory of stress for going outdoors and build up the emotional charge. I see/realize/understand that I live out a system. Instead I stabilise myself in breath and I direct myself in the physical moment, in as well as outdoors, when the weather is sunny.