I had been coughing for some days and difficulty breathing. One evening I felt really pain in my body. In the night I woke up and I saw into myself. I found a small vertical ‘box’, like a coffin (coughing) in my chest which consisted of like frozen fear. I realized that I had been storing fear in it to suppress and control it. I saw that this gave me a sense of superiority and power. I used it as a point of stability. The next morning I went on opening up this point. I spoke out loud a series of self-forgivensses. First I had to ‘pave the way’ by removing points like fear of getting overwhelmed by the fear If I would let go of this containment. And the belief that this was a solution to fear. And the harm I’d done to my body. And so on. Then I came to the question ‘what fear is in it?’. I saw fear of withering away. Fear of not surviving. Images of me not able to protect myself from cold weather and suffering illnesses and diseases and slowly dying off due to poverty. So I forgave all of this. When I was done I felt a relief. A bit later I decided to write some self-commitments to make sure that I would have a new way of handling myself in place. Here are some. Later on the day there were two instances where I noticed in myself the habit of relying on this containment for my stability and the notice that it just wasn’t here anymore. So a cool confirmation that I had been effective.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself go into superiority by suppressing and controlling fear. I see/realize/understand that this satisfies me as mind. Instead I see into me to reveal to me the nature of the fear and I forgive myself for existing in/as it
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself being angry with myself for existing in control and suppression of fear. I see/realize/understand that my mind finds it’s way to generate energy from my inner conflict. Instead I stabilize myself in breathe and I forgive myself the self-judgement
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself judge myself for existing within the polarity of fear opposed to anger. I see/realize/understand that it is a construct in my mind. Instead I stand one and equal to these parts of myself so that i transform fear into cautiousness and anger into determination.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself fear that I’ll wither away in poverty. I see/realize/understand that it is pictures in my mind that generate fear for my mind to feed itself with. Instead I breathe till I’m stable and I make sure that I do everything that’s needed to take care of myself
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself believe that I rather kill myself than wait till circumstances on Earth kill me. I see/realize/understand that believing is a function of myself in and as the mind. Instead I direct myself.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself accumulating fear in my chest. I see/realize/understand that I as the mind try and make a source of energy for myself. Instead I live in and as breath as source.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have this fear containment as a point of self stability.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself use the fear contaiment as a point of self-stability. I see/realize/understand that that I rely on my mind. Instead I rely on myself.