martijndegraaf1001

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Abuse as comfort – Day 667

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After the self forgivenesses of Day 666, I was able to forgive him and I wrote an invitation to him to restore our business relationship. After that he removed me from his Skype. I did find a point of abuse from my side where I would let him do the work and I would just provide money and receive half of the earnings.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse the person as to let him do the work and me just providing the  money and receiving half of the earnings.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel sorrow that our business relationship has ended by him removing me from his Skype.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to assume that he wanted to do me a favour
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that people basically are good at heart
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to later on think he wasn’t smart to do the effort and give away half of his earnings.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to then secretly let him do the business and to profit from him
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let myself be abused in the way that I gave him the freedom to spoil the money, due to my desire for him to stick to our agreement for me to profit from him
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I cannot live without the belief that people are good at heart
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I use this belief to cover up my abuse of another whom I believe to be good at heart
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel miserable about having let myself be abused
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not ask the questions that arose in me to inform why he would offer me this service
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience setting myself up to be abused as comfort because it is a well known pattern
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself setting myself up to be abused as comfort because it is a well known pattern. I see/realize/understand that this is a pattern in my mind. Instead I stabilize myself in the moment here and I remain standing.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to automatically go along with the abuser, feeling that this is the best solution.
I commit to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself going along with the abuser. I see/realize/understand that this is my mind pattern. Instead I direct myself to bring the nature of the relationship to clarity to create an equal and one standing.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to speak words that are from the starting point of desire to feel comfortable in an old pattern
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to speak words from a starting point of abuse
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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

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