martijndegraaf1001

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Punishment and love – Day 669

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imagesI forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the polarity ‘punishing myself for losing’ versus ‘loving myself for winning’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the polarity ‘fear for punishment for losing’ versus ‘desire for being loved for winning’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the polarity ‘expecting to be punished if I will lose’ versus ‘expecting to be loved if I will win’
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself living out these polarity constructs. I see/realize/understand that these are preprogrammed mind patterns. Instead I focus on the skills that I apply to develop them to my optimal potential.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make myself a game with the Binary Options by investing only 5,- at the time ‘so it doen’t matter so much if I lose’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I am setting myself up for loss here
I recognize a pattern that my Mum lived out when playing games with us kids. Where she would deliberately not mind to lose and when she lost she would feel good about herself because she had already set herself up to lose so she got what she’d bargained for.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live out the mind pattern where I decide to not care if I don’t win anything and to from that starting point lose and when I lose to feel good because I had set it up this way and now it has turned out the way I had set it up’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I lose due to this ‘game of not caring if I  lose’
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself not caring to lose. I see/realize/understand that I cannot handle money effectively in this way. Instead I realize that I so much fear to lose money that I rather lose it right away, no longer having to fear the fear.
Here you see this point opening up. Let’s see what it is.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear the fear of actually losing money with no ways to gain any back.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to avoid looking into this fear
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is too dangerous to open up this fear point because it feels like ‘the darkness where my life will end’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear I’ll be lost within this dark ‘place’ in myself and that I won’t be able to get out
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that the truth of it will manifest that I’m without money and no way to gain any
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I apply the ‘Law Of Attraction’ to have money, where I must actively believe ‘all the time’ that I will have money to make sure that it will be so
So this is quite the surprise to me, I didn’t see me as a follower of the LOA, but I see that it is so. Let me see how to correct this.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself applying the LOA because I’m too fearful to look into my fear of having no money. I see/realize/understand that fear is a function of me as mind. Instead I walk through the fear to see into me:
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that without money I’m totally stuck
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that without money there’s no more perspective for me to live on
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that without money I’ll be in a darkness that holds me from where I cannot escape
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that having no money is the end of me/my death
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel light and a bit careless when I have money
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself in fear in the darkness of imagining to have no money. I see/realize/understand that this only exists in my mind. Instead I see that I have friends and family to turn to and also the municipality.
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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

2 thoughts on “Punishment and love – Day 669

  1. I remember fearing the fear when I was in school. I feared getting bad marks, and so to avoid this fear I set myself up for getting the bad marks without then realizing. On a level I made myself believe I couldn’t do better anyway so I told myself to expect a bad mark so I wouldn’t be disappointed when I got it, plus, it would be a nice surprise when I got a good mark. It was an attempt at self-protection and definite self-sabotage. ‘A part of me’ knew what I was doing. Not being self-honest about it numbed me against myself and had held me in this trap of being unsuccessful. Cool to have self-forgiveness and corrections! Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 persoon

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