martijndegraaf1001

Reis naar Leven

No more Cuddles – Day 677

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imagesFor two days I have a sore throat. B asks me what is the cause? I feel I would want to cry and hold myself back. I decide to let it come up. A pain manifests in my jaws and upper chest as well. And a memory pops up where I as a child split into a victim and a perpetrator
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel fatalism for my mother not cuddling me so often
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself feel victim of this apparent neglect
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my needs not being met as neglect
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my mother as a perpetrator
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not just ask for cuddles
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to decide to not want cuddles anymore out of spite
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take on a harsh and cold-hearted personality to overcome the weakness of my victimhood
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I separate myself from myself to exist in and as the polarity ‘weak victim’ versus ‘strong cold-hearted personality’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to initially identify with the victim personality believing this to be myself.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to in reaction to the apparent weakness of the victim personality to ‘decide’ to become a strong cold-hearted personality
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I had already accepted and allowed this polarity construct as apparent solution before i was born.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have accepted and allowed to exist in and as the polarity construct victim versus perpetrator even before birth
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I could have moved myself in and as breath to cuddle with my Mum. That I thus could receive what I give.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that by taking on the victim personality I am already perpetrating myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I thus lose the ability to breathe and initiate a cuddle from breath

Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

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