martijndegraaf1001

Reis naar Leven

Lessons I don’t want – Day 681

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lessonHow come I don’t do my lessons? Let’s see how the point opens up.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not feel interested in my lesson
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that the lesson doesn’t make sense
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel indifference towards the lesson
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself start swearing to myself to make the lesson
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I want to throw away my laptop
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to develop a physical horrible sensation throughout my body like a panic attack
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to access a panic attack when I enter the lesson
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not be able to comprehend what I read where even the lines are moving and where I forget what I read and cannot take it to my work sheet where it should be applied.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to lose myself in reading through the lesson without grasping what I should do
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I understand the lesson
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that if I understand the lesson I create a problem for myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that a lesson is a trap because If I understand it it an be expected from me that I make the lesson and from there I am vulnerable to judgement about my results
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hate my elementary school lady teacher who physically attacked me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I rip her to pieces
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make lessons just to survive the school system
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to decide to never again make lessons if it’s not for my own pleasure and enjoyment
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to stay away from lessons as far as possible
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself wanting to stay away from lessons as far as possible. I see/realize/understand that it is based in a memory in my mind. Instead I investigate what the lesson can mean to me.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself making lessons from the starting point of survival. I see/realize/understand that I am accessing a memory. Instead I see how I can support and assist myself with the lesson
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to access the memory from elementary school when and as I attend to my lesson.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to build an emotional charge upon it.
I dissociate the charge from the memory and I walk through the energy of it breathing till nothing is left
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself accessing this memory and/or building the charge. I see/realize/understand that it is me as mind wanting to gain energy from it. Instead I breathe in the present moment to be effective
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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

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