martijndegraaf1001

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Negative backchat and positive ego – Day 686

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imagesIt was pointed out in a kynesiology session with Kim Amourette that there’s habitual unconscious backchat running in the back ground in myself where I’m negative about myself. It’s copied/transferred from my mother’s bloodline. It manifested itself in moments where my mother would desire that I understand something immediately or that I do something immediately in the way that she wants me to and where I wasn’t able to fulfil her desire. She then would speak very harsh and also shake my body by the arm and pinch me. The consequence is that I never want to appear as someone who has learned something, of whom could be expected something.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not want to show that I learned something new because I might get to hear that I didn’t understand it the correct way or that I don’t do it right.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I want to then give up on myself and shut off the subject of my learning entirely
This also goes for my process of self-correction
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I write a corrective statement that I won’t be able to live according to that and become subject to self-disappointment and self-blame and such.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to therefor write a minimum of self-corrective statements
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to dislike myself ginormously
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be sooo disappointed in my disability to show and practice what I learned that it is no use to even start with showing that, so that only learning for the sake of learning remains, with no practical application.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to rather show that I know nothing and have no abilities
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to rather not have that anyone sees that I know something or would be able to do something out of fear of retaliation when I wouldn’t fulfil expectations.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to refuse to state that I’ll be able to know or do something
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have internalized the unconscious backchat
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the polarity of negatively charged backchat towards myself versus a positive ego
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as positive ego thinking this is me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in and as positive energy that I force into existence
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live as positive ego to eliminate the awareness of the habitual unconscious negatively charged backchat towards myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the positive ego isn’t me
I commit myself to stop and to breath when and as I see myself participating in negatively charged unconscious backchat. And instead of switching over to the positive ego I place them both before me to see/realize/understand thatI am neither.
Directly I came in a situation where I travelled to a shop and it was closed. So here I had the opportunity to be aware and see the backchat wanting to start up and I placed it before me and next to it my positive ego and that cancelled out the charge of the backchat. I repeated this a few times to realize that the backchat is not me, is not who I am. Understand that I did this backchat for more than 50 years, so I had to convince myself. Ok so this became clear, as well as the positive ego not being me. All in all this contributed greatly to my self-stability.
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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

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