martijndegraaf1001

Reis naar Leven


Een reactie plaatsen

Redefining words – Star – Day 689

woredsI forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see how star could be a word for life
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see star as a white hot mass that’s without any life
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see star as something you cannot even come near
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see star as a tiny flickering light very, very far away
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as a star
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word star
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see what the word star could mean to me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to discard star as a word that’s applicable to me by a star being too hot and too far away
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not consider that a star creates itself into existence from the material that’s here and available
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see myself as equal to a star in this regard
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not equal to a star because of our difference in size and physical appearances
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react with irritation and disbelief to the recording by Anu
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have the opinion that Anu doesn’t make sense with his word redefinition plan
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have the opinion that I’ll never be able to live redefinitions
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that living redefinitions is as far away from me as a star
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have the opinion that calling something a star means that it is out of my reach
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek for ways to discredit Anu
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to accumulate anger about redefining words
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see the importance of redefining and living words
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and powerless when it comes to the prospect of living words
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is not necessary in process to redefine and live words because in the beginning I never heard of it
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fee that the process of redefining and living words is being forced upon me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that it’s just to much to also redefine words
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see living words as myself
een begrip – the concept
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I mustn’t give in to redefining and living words
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I would give up my strength by doing this process
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would lose me in this process
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is just too much to handle
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I resist redefining and living words I remain strong
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that this is a resistance personality
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as this ‘resistance against the process of redefining and living words personality’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I would lose my pride and self respect when I would redefine words
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel attached to my current definitions of words
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to remain in my comfort zone as how I have defined words for myself and live them
Nevertheless there are moments where I don’t achieve what I want because of the way I have defined my words
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I by times don’t achieve what I want due to my current definitions of the words that I live


Een reactie plaatsen

Objections against responsibility – Day 688

Responsibility, the word, what comes up:
feeling tired
giving up
sudden weakness in the muscles
a blanc
a waiting
anger as in being vulnerable to critique
never doing/being good enough
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel tired when hearing the word responsibility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel like giving up/walking away when I hear the word responsibility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have a weakness reaction in my muscles hearing the word responsibility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go in a blanc in my mind hearing the word responsibility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of waiting when I hear the word responsibility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become angry hearing the word responsibility because I fear that I’m vulnerable to critique when I’m participating in responsibility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to to see myself as doing/being not good enough when hearing the word responsibility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience responsibility as a trap where in I am alone with my responsibility and will be unable to fullfill expectations
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think anyone who says otherwise is insane/mistaken
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think I’ll never change my opinion on the word responsibility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I’m safe and secure as long as I don’t live the word responsibility
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I live the word responsibility life becomes complicated and a burden
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear to live the word responsibility
Responsible living means to me that I am present in what I do and don’t do to make sure that it is best for all. And in what I hadn’t been present in I bring it here and I make myself present in it to decide if it is acceptable or not.


Een reactie plaatsen

‘I don’t know personality’ – Day 687

I see that I had developed/accepted and allowed to let develop a personality that doesn’t want to be completely informed.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have developed/ accepted and allowed to let develop a personality that doesn’t want to be completely informed
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel resistance and anger when thinking that I would need to inform myself completely
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to to angrily resist that I would be fully responsible when completely informed
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to avoid responsibility by accepting and allowing myself to not be completely informed
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that the responsibility would be very demanding and tiring and feel like a claim on me, that it would dominate /possess me, that I would feel suffocated and dizzy.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self by living responsibility as something outside of myself
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself avoiding being fully informed because of fearing responsibility. I see/realise/understand that this stems from ideas and opinions I held against responsibility. Instead I live responsibility as self.
Where my mother would say “je weet dat toch’! (you know that don’t you!). So knowing became something I associated with trouble, being guilty. So it seemed better to know not all information relating to a point and when something went wrong, where I didn’t fulfill expectations or wouldn’t perform satisfactory, and a person would say: well, you knew it didn’t you?’ I could always respond with ‘no, I didn’t know that’.
I see that I make myself a prisoner of the plans that B makes.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to by not informing myself completely, to make myself dependent on B to know everything.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give up my self-determination
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to to make myself a prisoner to the dependent personality and to project this onto B and the plans she makes
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to to feel that I cannot breathe, that I suffocate
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself feeling that I am imprisoned and cannot breathe. I see/realise/understand that I have entered a personality. I pull myself out of it and instead I make sure to inform myself sufficiently to be able to be self-determining/self-directing