martijndegraaf1001

Reis naar Leven


Een reactie plaatsen

Mapping out Self-judgement – Day 694

mappingI forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not productive at times
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see me judging myself as such. I see/realise/understand that it is a function of myself as mind. Instead I have a practical common sensical look at my goals and the available time and the actions that I could take to decide what to do
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to flee away from tasks as to not having to face that I don’t do them.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I flee away from self-judgment
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to flee away from self-judgment
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that fleeing away from it works contra-productive
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself fleeing away from self-judgement. I see/realise/understand that I let myself be directed by a reaction in and as my mind. Instead I see into me what the self-judgemnt is about as a point of self-care
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not having clearly outlined future plans.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to interpret this as ‘I am not grounded’, ‘I am uncertain’, ‘I’m not taking care of myself’
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see me judging myself for not having clearly outlined future plans. I see/realise/understand that it is me as mind. Instead I see what I can get clear and where I need to do research and where questions remain unanswered for now. I could write it out as further self-assistance
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as in self-doubt when you say I have a weird look on my face. I see/realise/understand that this is a automatic reaction. Instead I stop it in the moment and see what energy I’m participating in.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical feel to want sex and participate in a reaction which causes me to look weird. I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself going into reaction to my own physical feel and instead I voice this directly.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for living ignorant of my legal status.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for thinking and believing that I am just the person how people know me. Not seeing/realising/understanding that I am also determined as a legal entity of sorts.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself judging myself for this. Instead I learn and get to know what I am as such, what that means for my life and wether I need to make changes
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not speaking German so well. I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself judging myself for not speaking German so well. Instead I listen to videos with German speakers and I use online lessons to exercize speech
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my body shape as in comparing it to how my body had been most of my life. I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself comparing my body shape to its shape in former times. I see/realise/understand that comparing is a function of me as mind. Instead I have a look if my body is well cared for nutrition wise and I have a look if I am really comfortable as to how it feels.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my body for not going upright. I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself judging my body for this. Instead I feel in my body how it would like to hold itself to come to its optimal functionality
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I judge myself. I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself fearing self-judgment. I see/realise/understand that It is a reaction of me as mind. Instead I see into me wether there really is a judgement in fact and if so I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my voice where I hear it as to high/unstable/uncertain. I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself judging my voice as such. Instead I see into me if my groundedness needs attention
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as part of humanity when I see horrific animal cruelty perpetrated by other humans. I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself judging myself as part of humanity in those cases. I see/realise/understand that judgement is a function of me as mind, it holds no real value. Instead I work on practical implementations that will eliminate animal cruelty on the long run.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when and as I see myself fearing the complexity of the administrative body of society.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear the complexity of the administrative body of society
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself fearing this complexity. I see/realise/understand that I react in and as mind. Instead I use my thought power to understand how it was put together and how I can handle it to work well.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as part of humanity when I realize the advancements that were made available by inventors but that got blocked by interest groups. I see/realise/understand that self-judgement is a completely useless design in my mind. Instead I investigate and support inventions to come forth as the solutions they provide.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as part of humanity where we haven’t made access to money equally available to all. I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see me judge myself as such. I see/realise/understand that judgement is completely useless here. Instead I research ways to implement an equal money system and work towards implementation there of.
Later on in the night A huge fear came up and I saw it was the fear of self-judgement. I breathed and remained till the energy of it had gone.


Een reactie plaatsen

Crisis management – Day 693

crisisMy leg was still hurting from an accident and then I had the roots of a molar removed, also my elbow would hurt when I bent it and I feared possible consequences from the change of course that I had given to my life, all in all I had brought myself in a apparent crisis and my body reacted with dizziness, nausea and diarrhea. After three days I decided that I had to stop it, because it didn’t ‘go away’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel a fear attack
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not know the source
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear the wrath of the system
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear perishing
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear to face the wrath of the system
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must keep myself in a grid to have an acceptable placement in the system
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear stepping out of the construct that I had placed myself within as an acceptable member for the societal system
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’ll be in a crisis situation in the future
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to expect a crisis situation any time
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look out for and intrpret signs that a crisis situation is starting to unfold
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to already place a tension on my forehead as if looking into vast difficulties and trying to see a way through
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fantasize crisis situations that might occur
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the voice of the other indicates that there is a crisis situation
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to perceive that the behavior of the other indicates that there is a crisis situation
After this I kept looking for any other signs that would restart or re-install the crisis program in myself, and delete them in the moment. I noticed for instance a ‘pull’ to my belly that would weaken it’s normal state and cause it to go into diarhea. A similar ‘pull’ occurred to my middle and lower part of my face which would have caused me to break into emotions of sadness and self-pity.
This way I was able to return to normal in a few hours time


Een reactie plaatsen

Never again take care of plants – Day 692

plantCorrecting myself in this point.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I shouldn’t take care of a plant because they all eventually die in my care
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memory of trees I felt connected to, being felled
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memory where four plants that I started to care for were cut of
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I would start to grow a plant from a seed too much can go wrong so I better not even start with that
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have agreed with myself that it’s better I never take care of a plant because I couldn’t stand see one die again
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think it’s a trap when I would start growing a plant
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel very angry with myself in my relation to growing plants
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in emotions of destruction and imaginations of the kind when I think of caring for a plant
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to expect a plant that I would grow to perish at some point due to something that I do wrong or due to things happening to it that I do not control
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to distance myself from a plant seed that I would put in soil to avoid despair in the future of it.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life is not suitable for taking care of plants because sometimes I am a few days away and I cannot attend to it
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to imagine that the life of the plant will be over soon so that I have no worries about it anymore
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel distrust like I cannot trust plants instead of seeing that I project the distrust in myself as care taker of plants
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself when it comes to taking care of plants
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have the opinion that other people with the necessary abilities must take care of plants, not me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could plant a seed as a joke, as entertainment
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that plants must fend for themselves and not depend on human interference unless that’s people with the necessary abilities/talents so that nature can have it’s way
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think it would be stupid to have me grow a plant
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself believing that I should never seed a plant or take care of it. I see/realise/understand that it is a belief that I have created based on memories.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself imagining that a plant in my care dies. I see/realise/understand that it is based on past experiences.
I commit myself to stop and to breathe when and as I see myself giving in to thoughts and imaginations of dying plants in my care and emotions generated by those thoughts and images.
Instead I inform myself about the plant to be able to take care of it to the best of my abilities.