martijndegraaf1001

Reis naar Leven

Anger and Hate – Day 695

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Screen Shot 2016-07-12 at 12.33.44I had a kinesiology session with KimA and I needed to find two memories because In those moments in the past when I was 15 years old I created/allowed programs in my mind. These programs activate and from it I create sarcasm, hate, anger and jealousy. I didn’t have a means to handle those and the ‘solution’ that I found was to enjoy these emotions when they would come up. I want to correct these points in myself because it affects my body, they cause sinusitis. I didn’t even recognize the emotions as being anger and hate before the session. But I came to see that the anger I feel in my forehead and the hate I feel in my belly.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel anger towards myself for allowing the dog to run too far away
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for not speaking up when the leader of the group shouted about my hair.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hate myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my body for not moving so quickly as it used to
It’s funny, when I lived the correction, I was able to move faster haha
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry with me and my situation still being in the grant
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself and just let it be
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not recognize my anger towards myself as anger
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enjoy being angry with myself
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel intimidated when another person says something about me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel that I need to keep my mouth shut when another person says something about me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to start to hate myself when I don’t know what to say
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see how I can direct without using anger
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel clumsy with the situation that the leader shouted and I didn’t know hat to say
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel intimidated due to the loudness of his voice
Ik vergeef mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard te hebben me aangetast te voelen in mijn waardigheid door zijn opmerking en de manier waarop hij die uitte
Ik vergeef mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard te hebben niet te zien/te begrijpen/me te realiseren dat een ander zich onsterfelijk belachelijk maakt door over mij te spreken zonder te weten waarover/over wie hij/zij het heeft
Ik vergeef mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard te hebben mezelf gekwetst en beschadigd te voelen wanneer een ander over mij spreekt
Ik vergeef mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard te hebben kwaad te worden op mezelf wanneer ik mij gekwetst en beschadigd voel
Ik vergeef mezelf toegestaan en aanvaard te hebben mezelf te haten als ik niet weet wat te zeggen in zulke momenten.
Ik neem me voor om in zulke momenten iets te zeggen in de trant van ‘ik zou mezelf kunnen haten om wat je hier zegt’ of andere creatieve oplossingen afhankelijk van het gezelschap waarin ik me bevind.
Ik zeg natuurlijk ook zelf dingen over mezelf in mijn gedachten die maken dat ik mezelf haat of boos wordt op mezelf. Dus dat is nog een aandachtspuntje.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in and as sarcasm
This I need to see in the moments where it is here as me. It’s a bit all over the place.
Jealousy is what I keep going/existing because I can be jealous of people who are very active or who have reached important goals and within this ‘declare’ that I’m not so active and striving as them and keep myself on a diminished version of myself that I feel comfortable with.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to remain in and as jealousy for me to be in my comfort zone
I’ll have to see how that goes, if I’m able and willing to change something in this point.
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Auteur: martijndegraaf1001

I am currently in the process of re-creating myself from a selfish being into a participant of a group of individuals that works for what's best for life on Earth, which is what's best for all of us, because without life we have no existence. Desteni is the name of the expanding group. I am writing my Journey to Life blogs to deconstruct the patterns based on fear that I exist as and to share this, so anyone can see the process I am walking.

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