martijndegraaf1001

Reis naar Leven


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Continuïteit van Leven en Zelf-bemoediging – Dag 700

Continuïteit van Leven
Plotseling moest J opgenomen worden in het ziekenhuis. De volgende dag zag ik haar daar op de intensive care, aangesloten aan apparatuur die haar leven moest redden. Wederom gebonden aan een ziekenhuisbed. Later buiten was ik een tijdlang erg treurig. Ik had moeite om ervan af te komen. Ik begon me af te vragen welk woord zou ik in plaats ervan kunnen leven. Na een tijdje puzzelen kwam ik erop: de ‘Continuation of Life’, oftewel ‘de continuïteit van Leven’. In plaats van in de emotie van treurigheid te gaan, adem ik. Aangezien de treurigheid ontmoedigend werkt is ‘Vastberadenheid’ een woord wat hier ook goed bij van pas komt.
Zelf-bemoediging
Ik merkte terwijl ik 5 minuten ademhalen deed om mijn lichaam voor een moment rust te geven van mijn aanwezigheid, dat er een onderstroom van gewoonlijke zelfveroordeling is. Ik keek er naar en vroeg me af ‘kan dat niet anders?’ Wat zou ik in plaats ervan kunnen leven en ik kwam op zelfbemoediging! Iets wat ik weinig praktiseer en het bleek meteen een remedie te zijn, mijn adem werd ruimer. En is zelfveroordeling mezelf iets afnemen, zelfbemoediging is mezelf iets geven.
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Self-preservation and self-expansion – Day 699

Self-preservation
I noticed that I missed something, Ia lack of sorts, I felt it in my body, my head was slightly forward en my neck felt exposed, asking for what? And I saw that I needed someone to hold their hand there to protect me and preserve my life. I realized that hey, I can give it to myself. This was new to me, all my life I had felt this need for protection and preservation. I started to give this to myself and it worked, I felt preserved and protected. I kept my focus on it for a few days to make it normal.
Self-expansion
I woke up in the night from a dream. I was in a stable standing with my back to a wall and before me a beautiful yellowish cow, I stroke it’s neck and it moved a bit and suddenly I feared that I might be crushed. Immediately I woke up, feeling very claustrophobic. I didn’t get myself to calm down and I left the bed and didn’t go to bed anymore. Seeing into me I found the cause. The day before I had had some spare time and I decided to watch some entertaining videos. In doing so I had moved myself into a confined, limited ‘space’ for myself. Claustrophobically small. So in looking for a word to live as solution I came up with ‘self-expansion’. I’m still busy implementing this word for myself. When I have some spare time, I take a deep breath and rather look what I could do to expand on my capabilities, insights, activities.


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The law and my enslavement – Day 698

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel upset that measures were decided upon without legal ground and nevertheless executed.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the creation of all kind of laws and such which led to the total enslavement of me
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to remain totally unaware of the creation of my enslavement
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe the manipulations and deceptions that were used
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use manipulations and deception myself and therefor wasn’t able to stand up to those of others.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not question why so many acts would be necessary
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let myself be deceived by myself thinking that everything will probably be ok and taken care of
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let des-interest sneak in
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see the power of these written words and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can always speak up and declare what my rights are from a feeling of what is just and rightful and to believe that my words will then prevail.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the words spoken by a living human being are worth more than the words on a piece of paper
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can always prove my innocense based on common sense
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the words on paper don’t apply to me because I never read them and never signed them, was never asked nor informed, don’t have my approval
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously let myself be directed by the principle ‘if I don’t protest I consent’ pertaining these official legislation
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I create self-overwhelmingness by giving my acceptance for how this works and then spite the whole by thinking ‘I don’t care’.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to never have considered how I would like to have the process to create legislation to be
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘bow my head’ for the perceived authority of legislators, not seeing/realising/understanding that I myself have the authority that I perceive in them, that I just project it outwardly onto them.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself not to heed the Roman saying ‘caviat  initius…the ‘policy of small steps’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not live the correction where I stop every little participation in the mind which add up to a construct within which I am entrapped and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let the same happen in the outer world
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the disempowerment towards legislation starts with the inner allowances towards the mind
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not have exerted my authority where it comes to legislation
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have split myself in a point of authority versus a point of dis-empowerment
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create friction and conflict which only serves the mind and not the living man, within myself and so in the outer
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have a world where killing is a way for the ruling powers to execute their plans
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have legal acts sound beneficial for the people which only lead to further enslavement
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I as mind speak words that seem to value another person while all the while they are binding them. Like in the song where is said ‘I cannot live without you’ which sound as proof of love and validation but in fact hold a claim on the other person
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that the deceptive language of the legal acts is the outer manifestation of this
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that what the powers that be do to maintain and further develop their powers is exactly the same what people do in their minds towards other people in their personal life: making secret thoughts about them and attaching qualifications to them without them knowing it
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to manifest as a person, not seeing/realising/understanding that I in doing so have an entity acting in my name
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have the person as a extremely limited version of myself and to have this manifested in the outer where in law I am reduced to mere chattel property
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as the containment of the mind, separated from my physical and to have this manifested in the outer as the containment field of the civil body within which I am lifted off the land