I noticed that I missed something, Ia lack of sorts, I felt it in my body, my head was slightly forward en my neck felt exposed, asking for what? And I saw that I needed someone to hold their hand there to protect me and preserve my life. I realized that hey, I can give it to myself. This was new to me, all my life I had felt this need for protection and preservation. I started to give this to myself and it worked, I felt preserved and protected. I kept my focus on it for a few days to make it normal.
I woke up in the night from a dream. I was in a stable standing with my back to a wall and before me a beautiful yellowish cow, I stroke it’s neck and it moved a bit and suddenly I feared that I might be crushed. Immediately I woke up, feeling very claustrophobic. I didn’t get myself to calm down and I left the bed and didn’t go to bed anymore. Seeing into me I found the cause. The day before I had had some spare time and I decided to watch some entertaining videos. In doing so I had moved myself into a confined, limited ‘space’ for myself. Claustrophobically small. So in looking for a word to live as solution I came up with ‘self-expansion’. I’m still busy implementing this word for myself. When I have some spare time, I take a deep breath and rather look what I could do to expand on my capabilities, insights, activities.